Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Stepping Up, Moving Forward

Someone once said to me that God's economy for us is always increasing. If we feel the same today as we are yesterday, we are declining.

After a long battle with some personal issues, situations where i felt there is absolutely no way out, I realized how I had been so stubborn in letting God to be in control of my life. I searched high and low for answers to questions that no one could answer me and yet, how could I had possibly forgotten to turn to God, who is the answer to all things?

Despite feeling sorry for not trusting in The Lord from the beginning, I am thankful that God has brought me out of a storm that only He can do. It made me realized how we as humans sometimes feel that we are "better" than God, trying to rely on our own strength instead of His, and at the end of the day, fall and stumble.

Like a father to a child, He loves us and is always ready to teach, guide and lead us because he knows so much more than we do. He sees a bigger picture. All we got to do is to stretch both hands out and allow Him to lead the way.

For all the times I had been listening to the wrong voice, I feel so disgusted right now with all the lies the enemy has tried to plant in my head. It is time to seek The Lord again, for Him to guide us through our lives with Him.

God cannot wait to bless us. He really do loves us. It is my time now, to listen to His call, no matter if I see it as impossible in doing or not, I will step up in faith and follow Jesus who is helping me advance in life.

God, worries and doubt no more. For my eyes are not fixed on the outcome, but in every step that you lead me to,

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Self-Appreciation

I was just reminiscing in the past a little, on all the drama i went through over the years. I think it's safe to say that it wasn't me who started all those drama most of the time. I was always(almost) the victim.

Not to gain any pity actually, because the me right now don't really care much about what we did last time anymore. I guess i really am getting old. I left what was in the past, right there. I am now living in the present, walking towards my future.

Looking at where I am right now, I am proud to be me. For all the decisions i made in the past, the steps i took, the countless obstacles, the people i made friends with, the people who left... made me who I am today. It doesn't matter if you forget everything that had happened, good or bad, what matters is that you're here, right now, looking towards the future.

To the past me, no matter how childish,selfish, self-centered, stubborn, silly you had been, I appreciate every step you took, for being strong, for stepping up again every time you stumble and fall.

To the present me, never lose yourself. Go on.

To the future me, no matter where God takes you, follow.


Monday, July 28, 2014

All Things Aside For A Bit.

Where do i even start...

I have a lot to do actually. I need to sort out my uni timetable, mark out important dates for the semester so I won't need to miss out on anything, redo my budget for the next few months, check air fares so I can fly home end of this year, look for a new job, assignments...

Looking at the journey i took for the past 6 months, it's amazing how I am still here at this state of mind. I am fully aware that I am able to make it because my God has never abandoned me. 

I had been stretched so much this year and i know God is still stretching my capability. He has been slowly preparing me for things, great things that are yet to come. There had been shifting, paradigm shift. Shifts that are physical and too obvious to not notice them and then there are shifts in perspective, the way i see things now.With shifting, there is pain, and i have to admit, it isn't easy at all. I believe God is trying to tell me that I had been staying in the same position for way too long, it is time for change. Change for the better.

A lot of the things that I went through involves "testing of hearts" which was what Ps. Russell said in the beginning of the year. I fell countless times but i got back up and continue on not with my own strength, but His. 

It is through this season of pain  and continuous shifts that I see God the most in my life. I believe in the God who made the stars in the sky and calls them by name. I believe in this God who brings the dead to life. I believe in this God who said He loves me so much so that He sent his only son to die for me. And this God, this big God who has THE UNIVERSE, took my hand, and brought me to where i am today. How amazing is that!

Despite all that(you can ask me privately if you want to know) i had been through, I am thankful for this season. It has truly been a rollercoaster ride. I had great times when i laugh and eat and don't have to worry about anything, and i also had times when I actually went into isolation, not wanting to do life with anyone including God. I am still being challenged everyday now. It is not over yet, this ride, i'm sure. Very tiring, but I know God would not give me anything that i cannot bear. He is slowly stretching my limits so that i can go beyond and above where I used to go. He is preparing me. He chose me for His plans. I cannot tell where I will be in the future, but I am just going to let Him guide me. I know He is faithful and He will put me in places to do His work according to His plan, and His time. 

I am thankful for a testimony that is in the making. He is a God who gives and take away. And today, i declare that my heart will choose to stay. Despite all the changes in and around me, I am so happy and grateful that He stays the same yesterday, today and forever.